This interview was conducted three weeks after this young woman had a Deep Transformative Clearing.

Since the Clearing, my panic attacks have subsided, and I don’t feel the same levels of intense fear and panic as I was feeling before. I no longer have suicidal thoughts, or thoughts that I am bad or damaged, or evil. The intrusive thoughts have mostly subsided and I am not having the same nightmares or anxiety attacks. I feel clearer about what I want in life and what I do not want. And I think I have a bit more patience and acceptance than I did before.

For at least a week following the Clearing, I was feeling horrible. I couldn’t stop crying or feeling confused or sad or upset…I was extremely depressed. But then I started to calm down and even out. It’s been a very gradual progression. It seemed like I was releasing a lot of negativity and emotions, and I am still doing that now…but I notice that I just have a more level state of mind.

Unfortunately, I’ve been depressed periodically and sometimes feel like I want to escape. I also still cry randomly and feel aggravated and angry about my past. But it seems like I can deal with it better than I could before. I think I am able to talk to myself and relax instead of exploding and making a big deal out of nothing. I am still hurting over my breakup, but I am making it through more easily and have more faith I am on a positive path and things will get better.

I have been inspired to make several adjustments to my lifestyle since the Clearing. I no longer have a desire to eat meat or poultry or anything so I have become a vegetarian. Additionally, I have no interest in fake sugars and processed food. In fact, I’m trying to be extremely healthy: Nine days ago I joined the gym and have been actually able to work out regularly. As a result, I have more energy. I am also happy to report that I have let go of a lot of people in my life who are not supportive or beneficial to my healing.

A couple of times recently, I consumed alcohol more than I meant to, but following those occurrences I thought to myself, “I really don’t want this substance in my body.” I have no desire to smoke pot or do drugs at all, nor do I crave to drink. I am currently practicing abstinence and I now see sex as more of a sacred, loving act to be shared with someone I really care for.

I have been really withdrawn from everyone during this process. Spending time alone is really important to me right now. And since most people from my old life do not support my new lifestyle or believe in this process. I have started to hang out with new people who are more in tune with me. And I am grateful that my new group of friends is getting to know the me now, not the me in the past.

I think I was expecting some crazy miraculous event to take place that would magically heal me. But I’ve realized, I have received what I needed and I now I have to put the work in myself. I have been able to let go of a lot of pain, anxiety attacks, fear, etc– feelings that were preventing me from moving forward. And although I feel heartache still, I know that will pass, too. My life has definitely improved in many ways and I now have to tools to help it continue to improve.

This interview was conducted just prior to this woman having a Deep Transformative Clearing.

I heard about Helen from a friend who has had Clearings in the past. She referred Helen to me and told me her healing story, and it just sort of resonated with me… like it was the best thing I could do for myself.

But mostly I was inspired to take part in the Deep Transformative Clearing (DTC) because I have been experiencing many negative emotions: fear, anxiety, panic attacks, depression, mild psychosis, emptiness, confusion, blocked, and intrusive, unwanted thoughts. I have been on psychiatric medications for ten years and have become addicted to them. I have also developed alcohol problems and blackout from over use regularly. I have terrible, reoccurring memories and nightmares about traumatic experiences from a past, four-year relationship, which I recently ended. During that relationship I watched my former fiancé go from the love of my life into someone I didn’t know anymore. He got hooked on drugs, developed seizures, and at one point even started overdosing in front of me.

In addition, I wanted to experience the DTC because I often feel like I am two different people: one tells me I am good for nothing, that I don’t belong in this earth, and that I should kill myself. As a result, I have been in and out of hospitals and doctors offices. Plus my relationships have suffered, and I have no hopes, dreams, or goals anymore. But fortunately, the other part is a fighter and keeps trying to hang on.

Finally, in December, I applied to go to a school run by Andean Shamans. They conducted a reading on the letter I wrote to them, and told me I could not attend their school because I was marked and sealed by a dark satanic force. They said that that I had brought it upon myself and had to do serious work to clear it, which included sobriety for life and abstinence for up to two years. They said I had holes in my aura. This terrified me. I decided to get sober, started praying to the Divine for help, and contacted Helen to schedule a Deep Transformative Healing.

My emotional state has become worse in the last 12 months. I have been experiencing intense fear, full blown panic attacks, nightmares, hearing voices, having intrusive thoughts, experiencing a fear of dying or being killed, thinking about suicide, experiencing extreme depression, psychotic outbursts, crying almost everyday, having cravings for opiates and alcohol, having accidents, like smashing my head and falling down, headaches, experiencing a deep longing for my ex fiancé, flashbacks from trauma, and tremors.

Recently, I sensed very dark energy where I used to live. It was so intense that when I was there bad things would happen between my fiancé and I: We got hooked on drugs even though I did not want to be. I had cravings to be so messed up I didn’t know what was going on. I lost my job, had things stolen from me, then I lost my apartment, and had to move away.

It did not stop there. Things just continued to get worse and worse. The panic attacks and flashbacks increased. My fiancé and I tried to reunite time after time, but something within him would switch and he would act really mean to me, as if he suddenly became a totally different person in just a couple days. This pattern caused terrible pain my heart and I did not want to be alive. I had dreams in which I was possessed or an evil force was trying to kill me. The accidents have been happening all day long (smashing my head and legs, shins, tripping) and I have full blown panic attacks, guilt, shame, and immense fear that I am terminally ill or something bad will happen to me. I have been so sad at the loss of my one true love and best friend that it has been hard just to get through each day. I feel like I am worthless and hopeless and that I deserved to die.

I have been depressed and lost since I can remember, but I have been numb by my medications since my early teens. I couldn’t keep a job or a relationship and had alcohol issues since a young age. Since four years ago when I stopped my medications, everything has become more intense. I sensed something evil and dark trying to get me to destroy my entire life.

During the past 12 months, I have sought out holistic and natural remedies for my ailments. I refuse to use western medicine anymore, so last summer I saw a holistic practitioner and worked with Nutrition Response Testing, which when I stuck with, I felt really good. I also self-medicated with psychedelic drugs. At one point I got really into hiking, biking, raw food, supplemental nutrition and natural living. I had a period of contentment during that time– although I was always on alcohol and benzodiazepines, so I hardly remember it. I started praying, meditating and going into nature more in the past couple of months after deciding to try sobriety, and honestly that started helping me get through the days a lot easier than before.

I am skeptical about the results of the DTC, but I hope I will get a chance to know myself and get rid of the pain so I can finally see the beauty in life again. I hope to become aligned with my soul and heart again. I hope too stop living in pain, fear and heartache everyday, to finally have my intuition back, to be less sensitive to energies, and to end the nightmares. I hope to just to become myself again.

The Deep Transformative Clearing (DTC) brought up one deep-seated, recurring issue: feeling not good enough. As a child, my family had inadvertently shown me that I wasn’t smart enough to succeed on my own. Even though this belief originated twenty years ago, this issue has played into every element of my life– it ran under everything, it was the common denominator to all other problems. The DTC helped me deal with the issue I hadn’t yet been able to fully understand or move through. It offered an alternative perspective: rather than trying to overcome the problem, I began to embrace the mental body split—my traumatized 8-year-old self. And by nurturing her, I began reintegrating part of myself.

 
Before the Clearing, I felt hopeless. I was depressed with the thought, How can I work on something that happened so long ago? I wondered, Is it always going to be this way? I felt devoid of energy, weak, stagnant, powerless. I knew a problem existed, but I felt that couldn’t do anything about it.

During the Clearing, when Helen was working with my emotional body, I felt the presence of the Divine presence she was calling upon. It was blissfully intense. I felt a surge of energy. I felt enlivened. Occasionally, an uncomfortable wave of energy was released, like I was un-stressing. But I quickly returned to a place of euphoric comfort.

When she asked me to go back and interact with the 8-year-old version of me, I felt as though I was simultaneously nurturing and being nurtured. It was deeply personal: I was self-loving. I saw this troubled part of myself as somewhat separate from me, therefore it was easier to reach out and understand her pain. With the newfound ability to empathize with myself, my habitual self-judgment was eliminated. And when I asked this part of myself to reintegrate, it was easy! I told her, I’m in charge now, you can trust me, I will take care of you. It was self-empowering and she believed me immediately. There was no trying—full reintegration occurred in less than a day.

Immediately following the Clearing, I felt a lot of sweetness. The nurturing part of me continued to express itself. I felt like I was in a mother taking care of a fragile girl.  My heart had opened. I felt that we had unlocked part of myself that I had never seen before. Intellectually I knew she was there, but the clearing brought to life a part of me that had gone forever unrecognized. I felt like I had added more to myself—like I was more of a complete person.

In the days and weeks after the Clearing, life has presented situations where I am forced to integrate this new part of myself (and the belief that I am good enough) into my every day life. I am being forced to step it up. For example, at work nobody validates me or tells me that I can be successful or even that I am progressing with my training. The non-integrated me believes that I will, “never know as much” as my supervisor. So I am being forced to become an independent source of self-esteem. And since the Clearing has given me a foundation and a method addressing an issue that has frustrated me for years, I now have greater clarity and empathy with myself.

I would definitely recommend a Clearing to a friend. Especially if they were having strong recurring pattern—self-judgment, etc—that their usual tools are not helping. I would recommend it to anyone who feels helpless, or blocked, or stagnant but doesn’t know how to move forward. Or someone that needs a little love, assistance, enlivening, or feels out of touch with himself or herself.

On a personal note, Helen offers an unparalleled level of comfort and support. You can feel comfortable and can say anything to her because you will never feel judged. And it’s a miracle because greater healing takes place when the whole being can relax and be open and exposed and because interacting with Helen serves as an example of how to be unconditionally non-judgmental with yourself.